I Can Do All Things Through Christ.

Today on my drive back from work while I was on my way to my weekly singles group, I was noticing that I tend to have a kind of complaining, discontented attitude. I was kind of in a pensive mood and I was listening to music--Country and some Christmas music. For some reason it struck me that I am not very contented and I was trying to think of the things I have to be grateful for. I was thinking of the verse in Philippians which says in the King James version: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil. 4:13). The verses before this one talk about how Paul was able to be content with little or much and this verse is the key. I was realizing that I have a tendency to put my hope in money and actually to serve money. I hate to admit that, but I think it's true. The reason for my discontent is because I'm putting my hope in money and not in Christ. Money is a useful tool, but a terrible master. It is a means to many ends, but it itself is subject to the Lord of all resources--Christ Himself. I realized that I would be wiser to put my hope in the only Lord of all and look to Him to help me achieve the ends I seek. In other words, I should serve Jesus and truly believe that He is able to provide whatever I need for me to be able to effectively serve Him and do what glorifies Him. This is a big change of thinking for a materialistic, skeptic like me! I need to stop doubting His ability and begin to trust Him to meet the needs I have and I need to train my mind and body and will to serve Him and watch Him be a much better master than money. Thinking about these things helped me to remember just how much I have to be thankful for and how rich I truly am, with little or lots of money. Christ is my true wealth and God has been pleased to give me His one and only Son, a huge sacrifice.

Where Has My Passion Gone?

I remember being passionate when I was younger. I used to go overboard, I would say now, but I got excited about things. I wish I got excited about things now. I tend to let myself get numb rather than to enjoy life now and work for a better future. I think there must be a way to tap into a real passion and excitement about life, but I must be drinking from the wrong well. I have a hunch that it involves thinking and meditating on transcendent truths and on God's character Himself and also in tapping into my emotions somehow through things like music and poetry. Another thing that might help is solitude and silence and seeing God's creation and drinking that in. Another idea I have is to be honest about where I'm at with a few people and make sure that I don't hold grudges against people. Unforgiveness destroys life; it makes our love grow cold. I don't want that anymore.

Learning to Love Fruitfulness More Than Leisure

On Sunday I listened to some shows on www.youtube.com about goal setting. I've been realizing that I tend to love leisure rather than productivity, which when taken to excess is not a wise way to live. I am trying to change my way of thinking to appreciate the fruit I see when I choose to sow energy into different endeavors with the expectation of future success in those endeavors, or fruitfulness. It's a tough thing for me to change, but I want my life to mean something so I will keep working on it. Also, I've been realizing that it's good and proper to take time for recreation, especially as a reward after working on something, but not to make it a staple diet. I sometimes don't plan on ways to reward myself for hard work and that is not good either.

Layoff close to home!

Today we had a layoff at work! It was the biggest one I've seen since I started working there about six and a half years ago--15% of our workforce. We only had 20 people before the layoff, so three people doesn't sound like a lot in absolute numbers but it's big as a percentage. I suspected something was up when there was a meeting called right away in the morning with a different assortment of employees invited to the meeting. Later I found out that they chose to lay off one person from each of three departments. I know two of the people who got laid off fairly well, so it was sad to see them go. Also, they were two that I had had conversations about spiritual things and so it made me realize that I need to share the gospel with people while I can. I have their contact info so I can still stay in touch with them.

The reason given for the layoff was that a large part of our business comes from overseas and several pending contracts that were expected to be renewed were not and some hot deals that we were expecting to go through did not, so the cuts had to be made. I had a feeling that it might come to this eventually, but I typically tend to be pessimistic in times like these. It is sad to see it happen. I do have to say that I am thankful that I did not get laid off, but it almost seems inappropriate to say that in view of those who were let go.

Goal Setting

This is well-known to many people, but being a late bloomer, I am discovering the importance of setting goals. Today while I was ironing some clothes I spent some time listening to Zig Ziglar on goal setting and other topics on some videos on YouTube. I continued to listen to other videos on inspirational topics and it really encouraged me. I really want to gain a taste for setting and achieving goals. For some reason, I tend to have a pessimistic attitude about my ability to do this and I need to get past that somehow and set goals as a general practice and learn to achieve them. I'm really inspired by what I heard tonight. I wish I had done this before but better late than never!

Gardening Class

This year I started gardening at the suggestion of my roommate, John. We planted some tomatoes and squash and peppers on the side of the house and we harvested some vegetables. It was pretty cool! I had intended on continuing the garden during the winter and I discovered some free classes at a local nursery. I went to a class last weekend on growing sweet peas and today I went to a class on growing vegetables and fruit in containers. I am excited about this! I have never had a garden of my own as an adult and this is exciting. It's interesting to learn about what makes plants grow well.

At the class today I learned that plants grown in containers aren't always easy to water because the water doesn't spread evenly, even if the plant is watered several times. Also, the roots can sometimes repel the water for some reason.

I want to plant some vegetables next weekend with my roommate. I am considering some sort of lettuce and broccoli. Last weekend I pre-ordered an apple tree that should arrive in January and I'll plant that in wine or whiskey barrel. I also want to plant a blueberry bush in a container and I would like to buy a rose plant. I'm excited about this! :)

Inspiration from Abraham, Son of Terah

I was reading today in the Bible in Genesis about Abraham (son of Terah). He is the spiritual forefather of three different major world religions (Judaism, Islam, and Christianity). I was very inspired by his persistent faith over a long period of time. He wasn't perfect but he continued to have a childlike faith in God over many years. God had promised him when he was 75 years old to make him a father of a great nation. He left his comfortable urban life to become a nomad and travel to a new country, and this was a few thousand years ago when travel wasn't as easy as it is now. I admire him for his continuing to believe God.

At this point in my life it feels like I am kind of in a wilderness and there are a few things I would like to have resolved in my life, such as finding meaningful work that I enjoy and that pays enough to support a family, and I would like to have a family. Also, I would like to be involved in missions somehow, but in many ways it feels like these dreams (not necessarily promises from God, like with Abraham) are not currently being fulfilled. I need to walk by faith with a long-term faith like Abraham did, and trust God to lead me to what He has for me. I want to have faith like Abraham and not become apathetic and unbelieving.

It's also comforting to see how God was patient with Abraham when he doubted and tried to find alternative ways to see his dreams fulfilled other than God's way. God still worked with him, and this gives me hope that God will still work with me, even if I make a mistake or do something stupid. He wants me to trust and follow Him and He is big enough to pick up the pieces and make something beautiful out of my imperfect steps to follow Him.

Am I schizophrenic? Why do I feel more alive away from work than at work?

My experience at work and my experience away from work seem to be very different. It's really odd. I almost wonder if I am schizophrenic or something. It seems at work that I don't interact with people that much and I don't seem to get a lot of good vibes from others there, but when I leave work and go somewhere else, to say a Bible study or a singles group or something like that, that I feel very much alive and connected to other people. It makes me wonder how consistent I am or if I really act and behave like a Christian should! I can imagine that for many people that there is some kind of a difference between their experiences at work and their experiences in other contexts, but I think my experience is more intense.

I think part of the problem for me is that I work as a receptionist and I can't "hide" in a cubicle like several of my co-workers do. I am a fish in a fishbowl, so to speak. So, while others can move from work mode to chatting with co-workers mode, I can't do that so easily. And to add to that, I tend to like to have a private place to think and work, and that is not part of a receptionist's job. My desk faces people rather than being away from people. So, in order to not make undue eye contact with people, I have developed the habit of not making eye contact in most cases unless my co-workers approach me and I can tell they want to talk or ask me something.

I think the best solution to this is to get away from being in a receptionist position so that I can have a little more privacy to work with and then I would have a little more motivation to talk to others.

Focus vs. Distraction

I remembered as it was getting almost time to go to bed that I wanted to try to do a blog entry as close to every day that I can, so here I am. Today I realized that I have a tendency to get distracted easily and this is not a good way to use time. I would like to plan on how to spend my time the day before and then execute that as closely as I can the next day.

I realized that in order to predict my ability to accomplish different tasks I need to be able to anticipate what I would like to accomplish and then measure how well I did that. The only way to do that is to be consistent in doing what I planned to do, or to try as best I can to do that. If I don't strive to focus on my plan, then I may end up accomplishing different things but not what I originally planned, and if I didn't accomplish what I set out to do, then when others ask me about if I could do something, then I lack credibility in being able to plan to do something and accomplish it. So, focus is very important. I really get distracted too easily. I want to work on this.

I want to gain pleasure not so much in my freedom to do different things as much as my ability to do what I set out to do by focusing my energy on that. I think I waste way too much time in getting distracted.

One exception to this focused mentality would be if someone genuinely in need comes across my path without my knowing that previously. I think that sort of "distraction" would be legitimate. However, I need to exercise discernment in deciding who to help, since I could be enabling some people who could survive on their own legitimately. My attitude should be to work hard to stick to a plan so as to serve God and others and myself well.

This year I've learned some things about managing money more wisely. Now I would like to learn how to manage time (aka myself) better. This is a critical skill to have.

"Rebooting" my blog

I decided that I need to "reboot" my blog. My other blog (http://www.markamani.com/) isn't currently working, so I'm going to use my Blogspot blog. I realized that one skill that I have is writing! I am not Shakespeare or C.S. Lewis or some other famous writer, but I do have somewhat of a knack for writing that I could improve over time. So, I decided that I should start writing blog entries as often as possible to practice writing and improve it. So, this is my attempt to "reboot" my blog.

Jesus Came to Destroy the Works of the Abuser, aka the Devil

Yesterday I gave a short talk at a men's group at my church in which I gave a short synopsis of my life and it included my experience of being treated poorly by a pastor when I returned from an overseas missions trip. I would classify this as spiritual abuse. I realized today that maybe the reason God let me go through this painful experience was to have a better understanding of the damage that the most sinister abuser, the Devil, inflicts on his victims, and for me to better empathize with those who have been held captive in his grip and to present them the light of Jesus and His salvation that can lead them out of the trap of the Devil.

In 1 John 3: 8b, it says, "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus is infinitely more powerful than the Devil and God in His goodness sent Jesus to rescue us from our abusive master, the Devil. How good and loving and strong is God! How wonderful a Hero Jesus is! It is truly an honor to be called into service to such a General as our Lord, and to join Him in this noble work--that of freeing those held captive to the Great Abuser. Jesus came to destroy these works of evil and He is winning! I need to remind myself of this and put my hope in Him and not let the Devil destroy my hope. Jesus is my Great Hope, and His power over death itself by His resurrection is evidence of His ultimate unstoppable victory over the Devil!

Jesus came to give people life to the full. As it says in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy' I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." How liberating to realize this! I mustn't let the Devil take away my sure hope in my unstoppable Hero, Jesus my Lord!

My first post!

Here's my first Blogger post. I'm hoping that I can get comments on this blog. (I can't on my other blog application.) I'm also hoping this blog is free. So, here goes!